I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
