are you still at the devil's house?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
