his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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