By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Houston, we have a blender
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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