i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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