Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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