I think my vagina is haunted
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
