True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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