She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
