I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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