OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I faked an abortion last night.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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