just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
