We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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