He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
