If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
