did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The ass gains better be worth it
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