I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
