It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
this hospital has no fireball
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
