tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
