hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
