I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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