I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i think my cat just said my name.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
