Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
