I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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