I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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