dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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