is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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