I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
