That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
