Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Randomize
