you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize