A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
