Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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