Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Can I color on your dick again?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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