is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize