Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
