scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
