Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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