do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
