You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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