She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
