Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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