I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
