allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
