My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
