chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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