i love accidental penises.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
