Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize