Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
