Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
