Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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