this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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