And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize