I smell stomach acid.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's blow job season.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
