I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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