I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
