I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
