Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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