I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
