NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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