I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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