FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
