I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize