took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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