you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
