i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
