Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
