dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
