Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
