DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
