i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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