Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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