I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she told me i tasted like america
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
last night I used snow as a chaser
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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