I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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