found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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