I hate all girls vehemently.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
