My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize