I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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