he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize