It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
