Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
