I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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