You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
