It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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