so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Boobs speak an international language.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
