She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
