im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize