probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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