Moan for me like Helen Keller
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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