she woke up with a sticky ear
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
